There’s been a lot of buzz on my Facebook news
feed lately about rape culture at the University of Ottawa (my ever-classy
alma mater). SFUO officials were exposed for their horrific comments made
towards Ms. Anne-Marie Roy, and the men’s hockey program has been suspended for “serious
allegations” of gang rape. To the victims in these situations, I am truly
sorry.
But what I want to say goes beyond these two specific
incidences. What I want to reflect on is the fact that, when I read the
articles on what was happening, I was not the least bit surprised.
Not. One. Bit.
And do you know why? Because rape culture is not news! It’s
old. It’s so common at this point, it’s practically routine. It’s
just the way it is.
To the people who still think rape jokes, or even sexist
jokes, are funny, WAKE UP.
It’s not so funny when you’re
the one someone’s cat-calling, honking at, or screaming what sexual act they’d
love to do to you. It’s humiliating and makes you want to
hide.
It’s not so funny when it’s
your body that people are constantly staring at, undressing, and
criticizing. It’s painful and fosters such low self-esteem that you’d
rather starve yourself than accept yourself.
It’s not so funny when you’re
the one who wakes up every night with nightmares of sexual abuse, and has
flashbacks and panic attacks during the day. It hurts.
And in case you’re wondering, each of those situations
has happened to me PERSONALLY. If you don’t want to believe one person’s
experience, I have plenty of other friends (male AND female) who can give you
references.
Maybe you make these jokes, but you’ve said
something to the effect of “I’m obviously kidding. I respect women and
would never do anything like that.” If that’s you—please stop pretending that makes it OK.
I'm glad that you are not willing to rape a woman, but your words have more
power than you think.
I can guarantee
you that you know someone who has been sexually abused or assaulted. Yes, I
said guarantee. 1 in 3 women has been sexually abused before age 18, as have 1
in 6 men. Think of what that looks like in your circle of friends, co-workers,
neighbours, or teammates. For them, a rape joke can trigger painful memories
and panic attacks. It reinforces the shame, guilt, and self-blame that plague
them constantly.
Worse, you might have a friend whose boundaries are, let’s
say, not as moral as yours, and WOULD or HAS sexually abused someone. Through
your so-called “innocent” joke, you’ve now sent them the message that you
condone that behaviour. You’ve taught them that it is acceptable to
you to be an abuser.
Not so funny now, is it?
